Tag: humanbehavior

Intuitive Psychology: Moving On after Breach of Trust

What is Infidelity? It is the breaking of trust that occurs when you deliberately keep intimate, meaningful secrets from your primary romantic partner.

I developed this definition because it focuses not on specific sexual behaviors, but on what ultimately matters most to a betrayed partner – the loss of relationship trust. That is the core of infidelity, and it is what must be repaired when cheaters hope to salvage a deeply damaged primary relationship. In fact, after more than 10 years as a behavioral therapist, I can state undeniably that the process of healing a relationship damaged by infidelity begins and ends with the restoration of trust. Moreover, to repair relationship trust, cheaters must not only come clean — in a general way, with the guidance of an experienced couple’s counselor about what they have done, they must also become painstaking honest about all other aspects of their life, both in the moment and moving forward. If or when your partner has NO willingness to work on this issue, it is NOT safe to move forward with them and no willingness equals no success.

Needless to say, this type of rigorous honesty is neither easy nor fun. And many cheaters will opt for a different approach, which is to continue lying but to try to do it more effectively. This tactic can work, too — for a while. But it does not address the underlying issues that led to the infidelity. Plus, cheaters who fail to get honest about their behavior tend to continue that behavior, no matter how devastating it has already been to their primary relationship. So if a cheater wants to finish off his or her primary relationship once and for all, continued lying is an effective way to go about it.

I truly believe that you could restore trust after infidelity if both partners are willing. But what happens when the other partner is NOT willing and still in denial, And the injured spouse or significant other chooses to move on to heal first from the betrayal and then the time comes where you do desire to open up to someone new in the present or future?

How do you know if this new person is going to repeat the infidelity betrayal cycle or maybe it is true that you could find or attract someone who has potential to remain monogamous and dedicated to one person which can be so helpful to restore trust again in life itself.

Where this post is going is really about How can you Trust again?

Once trust has been betrayed, most people will be less trusting the
next time. The degree of mistrust that is engendered varies between
individuals and with the sensitivity of a particular betrayal. Working professionally as an intuitive for over a decade and growing up in a military, law enforcement, and detective type of family, It is funny now how my ex-thought he could get away with what he was trying to get away with… But also being a clear empath the energy that was transferred into my aura and electromagnetic field, i must say that from an energetic perspective infidelity can be dangerous for the sensitive. However, over a period of time, your trust can be rebuilt with repeated positive experiences. For example, if your husband, boyfriend, lover, significant other is unfaithful, you won’t initially trust the next man you date. But, when a man consistently demonstrates his reliability, actions speak louder than words. These common but painful human experiences contribute to your growth and development.

Trust is at the core of all meaningful relationships. Without trust, there can be no giving, no bonding, no risk-taking.

Here are a few suggestions on how to Trust again…

1. The more slowly that trust returns, the better; slow trust is more likely to have a solid and durable foundation.

2. Be patient with yourself. Your trusting nature is not lost; it’s just a little bruised.

3. Those who are worthy of your trust, they have at least an intuitive understanding of this: Three of the four positive attachment emotions—interest, compassion, and love—are unconditional in healthy relationships.

4. But the fourth, trust, must be earned over time.

5. Focus on self-compassion and then on compassion for others, and you’ll find that trust will sneak up on you, in its own good time.

6. Last but not least…. This is the most important… TRUST YOUR INTUITION. 

Sending so much love, peace, and light,

To Healing,

krishna shoshana aka kelly

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Intuitive Psychology: Why can’t people just be nice?

It is easy to understand the motivations to get along with others. Humans are incredibly social beings who need positive relationships. There really would be no chance of a society if people did not, by and large cooperate with each other and get along.

Yet, people quite often harm each other, on purpose.

But why is this? Why can’t people just be nice? Why do people so often want to hurt and harm others? Being mean, and for it to come out of the blue is like an emotional bullet, similar to a psychic Attack. Decades of research indicates that there is much truth in the belief that people are mean to others in order to feel better about themselves.

 

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People have a need to feel unique from others in positive ways. As humans naturally form community, groups, this need for positive distinction extends to the groups we all belong to. That is, we tend to view community or our in-groups more favorably than out-groups (groups we do not belong to). And as a consequence, we tend to see people who are not part of our group less positively than people who are. This is especially likely to occur when there is competition between the groups or when people feel like the identity of their group has been challenged.

 

Naturally people make comparisons to others. And these comparisons can often make us feel worse about ourselves or better about ourselves. As we generally prefer to feel good, we are prone to making downward comparisons, or comparisons that enable us to look down on other people. On this theory also supports the notion that people are more negative towards others when they have been insulted or belittled, and that this can make people feel better about themselves  or when compared to being told they were attractive, they rated others not only as less attractive, and also less intelligent and less kind, being insulted made people more likely to demean others.

 

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Ego Threat has also been discovered that it threatened self-esteem that drives a lot of aggression. In other words, it doesn’t really matter if people feel good or bad about themselves in general. What matters is that people, in that moment, are feeling worse about themselves than usual. This line of research has found that threatened self-esteem is associated with a wide range of heightened aggressive behaviors. When people are insulted, as opposed to praised, they are more likely to force another person to listen to obnoxious noises.

Whether it is as a means of promoting our social groups, or ourselves, we tend to be more aggressive when our self-worth has been challenged and we are not feeling particularly positive about ourselves.  When our self-esteem is threatened, we are more likely to compare ourselves to people we think are worse off than us, to see other people as having more negative traits, to degrade people who aren’t members of our groups, and to become more directly aggressive towards people in general.

When you insult or criticize someone else, it may say more about how you are feeling about yourself than the other person. And it is Insecurity over ourselves that drives much of the cruelty in the world.

To Healing,

love, #krishna

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