What do you say to people who want to know… Why you left? What happened? Do you miss him or her? What happened in your marriage? And How do you cope when a loved one has a serious mental illness and chooses to do nothing about it because they think that there is nothing wrong with themselves? These are the questions that can not be answered and this is why many go along suffering in silence.
Relationships can be wonderful but challenging under the best of circumstances. Many times, the partner without a diagnosed disorder or left untreated can become even more complex. When two people get married, they make vows to love each other for better or for worse, but what about when “worse” becomes too much to bear? When you suspect that your husband is a sociopath, you certainly have cause for concern as well as grounds for divorce. Being married to someone who is a sociopath can be quite the charmer in pursuing what they want. A man who is truly a sociopath is bound to be a charmer. According to The Hare Psychopathy expert, Robert Hare, a true sociopath is manipulative and cunning. They are also normally intelligent people who have a way of getting out of trouble, getting what they want and appearing and acting normal, for the most part. Only a mental health professional can diagnose a sociopath. In the meantime, if your husband is displaying the signs of a sociopath, it is best to get out of his way and encourage him to seek help for his problem. With a major in psychology none of these behaviors are shocking or foreign and as one adjusts to the emotions and stresses of loving someone with a serious mental illness, it’s important to identify sources of support. Often, some of the best support comes from others who are in your shoes. Consider joining a support group to meet others experiencing similar challenges. To find such a group, ask your community mental health agency, or contact your local chapter of the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). Participating in family programs, in which you participate in education and treatment sessions with your loved one, can also be beneficial. That is only if your loved one is “willing” to face treatments. Most importantly is learning how to cope.
When you discover a loved one is ill, and chooses to deny, it’s often hard to focus your attention on anything else. But it’s important to take care of your own needs. Making time to do things you enjoy will help you keep your stress levels in check. You’ll be better able to support your loved one if you take steps to maintain your own physical, emotional and mental health.
Serious mental illnesses often present logistical challenges as well as emotional ones. A sociopath also known as antisocial personality disorder, these individuals may date someone who is wealthy, has great job connections or is a means to obtaining something desirable.
They do not relate to someone on a human level and to these individuals people are like pieces on a chessboard that are moved around to achieve a more advantageous position or are eliminated.
Sociopaths enjoy the sense of power and control over others. They particularly are cruel to vulnerable people and feel no remorse for their action. A spouse experiences coldness, and gaslighting. You’ve probably heard the term floating around but what is gaslighting, really? In short, it’s covert and acts as an undercover relationship manipulation that turns into a total mindgame. If your partner is making you feel crazy and accusing you of being too sensitive to make the “crazy” label stick, do not ignore your intuition because the problem might not be all in your head. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse in which the one doing it tries to get power over his or her victim by making them think they are crazy, out of sorts and off. The gaslighter lies, manipulates and questions the other person for control. And though it can happen with your husband, boss, a parent or friends, it’s most common in romantic relationships. In male-female couples, it’s often the man in the abuser role and the woman as the co-dependent victim, but it can work the other way around too. These can be dangerous marital partners but the question still remains… How do you tell someone this?
Serious mental illnesses often have a biological component. They are not the result of bad parenting, and they probably couldn’t have been prevented by anything that you, as a spouse, friend or family member, might have done differently.
Grief is common. It’s not abnormal to feel ashamed, or hurt, or embarrassed by a spouse whose behaviors can be difficult to understand and deal with. Many people also feel anger at the circumstances and though it may not be logical, loved ones often engage in some degree of self-blame. Such feelings of shame and anger also go hand-in-hand with feelings of guilt.
Sociopaths lack a moral compass. They do not take responsibility for their actions. If you feel hurt, then that is your problem, not their concern. They commit verbal, emotional, and psychological abuse, since nothing is their fault and keep physical abuse out of the picture because physical abuse isn’t invisible the other forms are to the public eye but not behind close doors.
When troubled fiances occur, and other issues, sociopaths quickly tell you these happened because of your failings. You may start believing that you are worthless or incapable of handling the simplest of things. They want you to feel weak and stupid so that you are easy to manipulate.
The most difficult truth to hear is that Sociopaths are not going to be monogamous. They see themselves as victims when not everything is going their way. They place the blame on others and this includes you too. They blame co-workers or the boss for them not succeeding career wise or may state that you are dragging them down socially.
Not everyone who lives a double life is a sociopath. Some people, like spies and undercover cops, are doing their jobs. But for all those people who don’t have a legitimate reason for creating an alternate existence.. why do they do it?
Sociopaths are social predators who live their lives by exploiting others. When they live double lives, the prime reason is because it enables them to exploit multiple people simultaneously. This is especially true of the parasites that sponge off of their romantic partners. I’ve heard of many, many cases in which sociopaths, both male and female, are involved with two, three or even more romantic relationships at once, and taking from all of their partners- money, sex, cars, entertainment, reputation, and essentially they are looking for supply, the more sources of supply they have, the better. Another reason for double lives is the promiscuity of sociopaths. Most sociopaths have a high appetite for sex, amazing stamina, and get bored easily. Consequently, what they really want in their sex lives is variety. So they hook up with a variety of people, in a variety of places, and engage in a variety of sex acts.
Often, however, they don’t bother to tell the truth about what they’re doing. The sociopaths simply pursue their sexual agendas with multiple people, but keep everyone separate. Sometimes this involves elaborate ruses and manipulation.
Since they perceive themselves as perfect, there is no need for therapy. You cannot fix something that is not broken, in their eyes. They are not open or amenable to marital counselling. If you do manage to get them to attend, they may try to team up with the counselor to point out those problems are your fault. A sociopathic spouse can appear very sincere and are excellent at acting. They will lie about their infidelities even when you have hard evidence proving it to be true.
Two classic films on this theme with a sociopath is 1944’s “Gaslight” with Ingrid Berman and 1960’s “Midnight Lace” with Doris Day in London. Watch it when you can, a spouse who is a sociopath is not going to change.
According to psychopath expert and author of “Without Conscience,” Robert Hare suggests that all psychopaths act impulsively and without thinking at times. They are unlikely to spend much time weighing the pros and cons of a course of action or considering the possible consequences,” he says. ” ‘I did it because I felt like it,‘ is a common response.” He also suggests that this impulsive nature will cause them to change their plans often as well, as they don’t give too much of a thought to how their current plans will affect their future. This may include making decisions about the household or even spending money from your joint account without accounting for it.
If your husband is, in fact, a sociopath, he is bound to display violent tendencies in bursts. He may tantrum into fits of rage and then appear like nothing happened and true sociopaths are difficult to treat and are not quick to sincerely seek treatment on their own.
It is a decision that you have to make about whether to stay or go. Taking your time getting to know someone and seeing how they treat others can lessen the chance of getting entangled with a sociopath. So the question still remains… and recovery for the target, can be long and challenging.. In the meantime, the sociopaths simply move on to another life.
As it is suggested to ask yourself what lessons you are being offered in the situation and if you are learning them well? How are you responding to the challenges of your life? And to keep in mind that we choose partners that will challenge us to grow and this is no exception. Understanding is better than ignoring the reality and the truth is that if two people love one another and are willing to make things work, they can with good process and impeccable communication.
To healing, #krishna
It is important that you do not disregard professional medical advice or delay seeking professional therapy support because of information you have read on Intuitive Magazine’s Website, the blog, newsletter, social media, ebooks, programs, webinars, or other information you have received from Intuitive Magazine and Bliss Medium on Etsy. It is important to note that although Kelly Krishna Khalsa is a Licensed ABA Therapist and Board Certified Music Therapist, and though she provides Applied Behavior Analysis Therapy to individuals on the Autism Spectrum specific. Kelly Krishna Khalsa is not a Dr. or Psychologist. She is a Licensed ABA Therapist + Intuitive.